Friends like these Monday, May 7 2007

You know you have interesting friends when you have the following conversation:

Friend: Guess what I did this weekend?

Me: What?

Friend: I PEED on my antbeds.

Me: …….silence…..Why?

Friend: Someone told me that if you put human urine on antbeds they will die or move.

Me: …..silence…….Seriously?

Friend: I think it is working. Everytime I peed this weekend I would pee into a dixie cup and go outside and pour it on the antbed.

Me: Good to know.

My friend, the ant pisser. Everyone should be so lucky. 

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Confession is good for the soul it is said Monday, Apr 30 2007

Friday afternoon I visited the local Satan-Mart. There were 2 twenty-something guys that parked next to me in one of those ugly Mustangs. It wasn’t a classic and it wasn’t a well kept newer one. It was junkyard. Anyways, I digress. I was not looking especially Fergilicious but I was certainly not looking like a long time resident of the Black Lagoon.

I was leaving Satan-Mart and they had just parked and were walking away from the car when the one of them said “Dude, there’s your girlfriend.” And did the head flick thing towards me.

Guess what asshat ? I may not be your chick of choice but I AM NOT DEAF. So, here is the confession:

I dinged your door. Shut up-you had it coming.

And then I did what every self respecting fat bottomed girl would do. I went to the local chicken joint and ordered a number 2 combo with a large coke.

There. I feel much better for getting that off my tremendously awesome chest.

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