Good gravy! Wednesday, Sep 26 2007 

A 29 year old let me know today that if I was available, he was interested.

Surely he jests? What, does his Frat house need a den mother? He needs a co-signer on a loan?

Good gravy and pass the biscuits. I will waffle between complete disbelief and giggling like a 14 year old for the rest of the day.  

Another year on planet Earth Monday, Sep 24 2007 

Friday marked my forty second year on the planet Earth.  I would love to tell you tales of great hilarity and fun but I am not that good at fiction. I took children to school, I went to my job, I went to the grocery store, picked up the kids, and went home to business as usual.  Sometimes you take comfort in the normal of it all.

I was presented with a cake and card from my staff. And I got a really nice gift from a friend. So the day was not without a special or two.

I spent the weekend chasing this undercurrent of sadness I could not put my finger on.  It was as elusive as a salesperson in Satan-Mart.  Why was it nipping at my heels? My children are blessed with good health and happiness. I have a roof over my head, enough fat stored up to survive a nuclear winter, and a job. A car that runs. My extended family is well.

So what is the deal?  I can assure you it was not the recent demise of the 23 year exercise in futility. The end of that came with a great deal of peace.

I sound like a real good time don’t I? I swear you can be seen with me in public. I am fun, dammit. I just need a chance. Come on Coach-let me in the game.

Here’s to another year on the big blue marble. Let’s make it a good one.

Where I have been…….. Wednesday, Sep 19 2007 

I have been distracted lately and have neglected my blog. A lot of stuff going on in Hootie Mac’s world. Decisions were made and life is taking a huge turn.

I have called it a day on 23 years of marriage. I am just done. This was not a snap decision nor an easy one. A lot of thinking, praying, reading, etc. went into this. And when I had exhasuted every earthly source of help I got down on my knees and cried out to God ‘fix this. fix me. I surrender.’ And when I tell you God answers prayer, believe me. But never in the way you see it coming.  It comes swiftly and what you were blind to is so obvious you are left speechless.

Without going into any great amount of detail, it was brought to my attention that things were going on that I just could not turn a blind eye to. It was literally the straw that broke my back.  Time to call it day. The journey to unencumber myself from the burden that my marriage was has begun.

Needless to say, my spouse is fighting this. But I mean what I say-I am done. Life as I have lived it for the last 23 years is over. It is my turn. It is my time.  We are all given a finite time on this earth and I chose to spend my remaining days with some degree of peace and shall I dare wish for some happiness? 

I mourn the end of this for my children. The little ones will not understand and I will be blamed for tearing the family apart. I will take the heat for this.  He will make sure of it.  But somehow we will all survive and we will be stronger and wiser for it.  I am excited about this new road and more than a little freaked. I will have to answer to myself and to God about the decisions I make and the places I go.

I need to show my daughters what a strong woman is. One who finds happiness within herself. One who can use her God given brain to think things through.  One who values herself. One who knows how to take care of herself.  And hopefully one day, a woman who is in a healthy relationship. Equally yoked for sure.

So now I have to get to work on me.  The caretaker is going to take care of herself and arrive at a new place of understanding.  Go me.