Hello my name is… Monday, Jan 28 2008 

Hootie Mac and I am a foodaholic.

Not trying to make light of other addictions but I am 100% convinced that I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. It is my drug of choice so to speak.

I have gained 20 pounds in 2 months and it is because I am trying to drown this “thing” with food. I have tried to drink in the past but it seriously takes too much effort. I don’t have ready access to any narcotics so that is out. So food is my drug.

At least with food you can still function for awhile. Eating for emotional reasons doesn’t seem to harm you up front but it packs a hell of a kick down the road.  20 pounds people-20-in 2 months. And Reese’s peanut butter egg season is just around the corner.

I am so screwed. 

I Got Nothing Friday, Jan 18 2008 

I have loads of laundry, cooking to do, and all around boring housewifey things on the agenda. Someone save me from this nothing I have become.

Snippets Tuesday, Jan 15 2008 

I like to collect little snippets of stuff here and there. Things written or said that just resonate with me like a gong going off in the room. Here is one I have found while cleaning out my desk this morning:

“Pain is the great awakener from a deep sleep or way of life.”

What causes you pain? Emotional, mental, physical or spiritual pain? Pain is a way of something saying “pay attention to me, I have a need. ” 

There are temporary fixes to mask the pain. Food, alcohol, relationships, drugs, or maybe obsessions can distract you for awhile. But putting an end to the source of such pain is not something I have mastered as of yet.

Well meaning people will give you well meaning spiritual advice and bless them for trying.  It doesn’t work. Believe me. It just adds to the pain like fuel to the fire. It is like telling me that if I was a good enough Christian and closer to God then I could just pray myself through it. And if I cannot, then the problem is me. Who ever wants to admit that the root of the problem, in fact, lies within themselves?

The Best Reason So Far Wednesday, Jan 9 2008 

I read a few blogs daily and one of the them wrote the single best reason for having a child I have ever heard. She was writing a monthly newsletter to her 4 year old and told her the reason they wanted to have another child was ” to share the love you made me feel. ” There it is in one simple sentence. The best reason to have a child is the share the love that someone has made you feel.   That the love created by 2 people is so big that it cannot be contained in that relationship. It feels the need to create something so that love will have somewhere to go. And what more pure and love filled is a new life? Nothing. God is great. God is good. 

So far in the Year 2008 Monday, Jan 7 2008 

This is the year of the let’s just get in her way so nothing productive will be accomplished or throw 5 or 6 monkey wrenches into everyday just for funsies.

Look away-this ain’t pretty people.