The One about Twilight Monday, Mar 23 2009 

My girls and I watched Twilight an unseemly number of times this weekend.  That movie is just tween age girl crack.

I have read the Twilight series except for the actual Twilight one.  If you find that somewhat sad and pathetic may I direct your attention to the things about me list that states I read the shampoo bottle in the shower. I read like people breathe.

Back to the movie, Robert Pattinson should not be in the least bit attractive with the flat Pekinese face but somehow he manages to pull of the hawtness.  Jasper needs a new hairdo though-it looked like a tragic accident with a Flobee.

The movie was beautifully shot. The colors and scenery where amazing. Even Jo the 8 year old noticed. But then again, she NOTICES things.  Very observant middle child thing going on.

We also mananged to watch BOLT in between the 7th or 8th showing of Twilight. It was cute and funny. But soon the vampires were calling and we had to heed the call once again.

I am Hootie Mac and I watched Twilight. More than once. 


Happy Day…Happ-eeeee Day Wednesday, Mar 18 2009 

The sun made an appearance after a solid week of no sun whatsoever. And that made me so happy. I am pretty sure I suffer from seasonal affectiveness disorder and a lack of sunlight makes me depressed.

I also suspect this is where my unseemly love for the beach comes into play. Sun, sun and more sun. And cabana boys.

So, no big hoopla. The sun came out. I be happy.

You Be The Judge Monday, Mar 16 2009 

At what point in the following conversation do you think someone may have lost his ever-loving mind:

He says:   What are you cooking besides pork chops and biscuits?

She says: Green beans and macaroni and cheese

He says: We need a garden.

She says: What now?

He says: I like peas and butterbeans.

She says:  I don’t see how you could have a problem with food someone else cooks for you.

He says: I just want something different instead of the same old thing.

She says: If you would eat anything besides green beans maybe I would cook something else.

He says: I eat english peas.

Justifiable. I swear it would be ruled justifiable.

Things You Might Thursday, Mar 12 2009 

have thought you heard while sitting near a table of loud and rowdy girl children and their parental units at a Picadilly cafeteria last evening:

  • Stop that-burpers are not daters!
  • Shut up chubby.       That was not nice-apologize to your sister right now.          Sorry……….chubby.
  • Daddy-are you gonna get married again?
  • She hit me in the boob!
  • Momma is a keeper. No, momma is more of a stayer.

I apologize to anyone in the vicinity.

The Five Year Blip Wednesday, Mar 11 2009 

I manage to get snockered about once every five years. Tonite is the five year snocker extravangza. Hold on fellows-it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

I do some accounting work once a year for an old and dear friend I have know and loved for years. We went to school to together and have know each other since 5th grade. He is far from perfect but he is perfect for me. I know his crap, he know my crap, we love unconditionally and without judgment.

Tonite I took 2 hours out of my mommy and wifey role to visit and get his info. together for this year. He and his lovely partner made supper for me and gave me lovely glasses of red wine.  I lost count after 4 glasses-thank heavens I was less than a mile from home.

I might have well have been 1,000,000  miles from home. For 2 hours, I was happy. Granted, it was probably an artificially induced red wine happy but by all that is holy I was happy and having a good time. But I knew as soon as I left his doorstep that a price would be paid for my 2 hours of happiness. And so it was.

For 2 hours, I ate food prepared for me, glasses of wine poured for me, laughter shared with me, and the sweet love an old and treasured friend was received by me. It is a friendship and love that it is beyond the female/male equation-it is the love of friends. A love and companionship that is more precious than that.

And make no mistake, as soon as that Narnia was left, the piper was paid. Thirty five phone calls, people.  Thirty five. Where the hell was I and what was I doing? And I know you are thinking: Is this justifiable behavior? Does she just disappear for 2 hours at the time? Does he have cause to doubt her whereabouts for 2 hours? And to that, screw you. Hell no. I am forever the mother, the perfect little wife, where and what I am supposed to be all the frikkin time.

But for 2 hours, I was in the company of lovely people doing what I love to do the most. Sharing a good meal, a few glasses of wine, laughing and loving every minute of it.

And so predictably, all alcohol induced times proceeded in order:

1. A lot of laughing

2. Some bad singing

3. A fight with someone where you say things you normally would not

4. You cry

5. You apologize to the innocent parties that got caught in the fray

6.You do some snockered dialing and attempt to text but give that up because you are too damn old to be doing any texting

7. And new to the routine, you blog about it while still a little snockered.

 I think I shall lie down now. Or lay. Lie. Laid. whatever…..

Number 15 Wednesday, Mar 4 2009 

I have completed one of my tasks on the “I have so lost my mind” list.  I got a my very first massage.

I am now in lurve with my massage person. Who knew the bliss of an hour of a full body deep tissue massage? And why didn’t you tell me? It was amazing how good it felt and when I laid down that night to go to sleep my body just melted onto the mattress. It did not have any kinks or quirks-it was lovely.

I had a female masseuse.  It did not occur to me to request a male or female until she remarked that some people had a preference.  I wasn’t  uncomfortable with a female masseuse-excuse me, my licensed massage therapist person.  

I think I may have found the way to help the middle east crisis-just sent a bunch of licensed massage therapists and let them work their special brand of magic.  Hard to be hating when you feel that good.

Hootie Mac-spokesperson for the LLAMA-Lurvely Lurvely Assocation of Massage Therapists. 

And one task done-100 more to go.