I have written in the past about my father’s twin. He was in town this weekend and I can hardly type as the tears start to fall once again today. It has been almost 30 years since my father passed away and the pain my sister and I are in today is just as acute.

No one is aware except her and I. No one has noticed that we are once again in mourning. It just comes out of somewhere far beyond left field. It can go by for years with hardly a twinge. But for some reason this year, this time, this visit, is just making us both sobbing wrecks. My emotions and nerves are laid wide open and every encounter with another human being today is actually physically painful.

We both feel incredibly alone together. How can it be that no one notices that we are not quite ourselves-that something is amiss? Because we are the daughters of an earth mother, caring and taking care of everyone around us with no thought for our own mental and emotional state. You just keep doing and going and doing and serving and taking it and for the love of God people can you not just let us mourn for one day? Can you notice for one minute that we are in pain? Can you handle your crap for today?

My father died. I miss my daddy.