I am the lover with no one to love. The seeker who could not find.

There is a song out there with almost these words in it.  I heard it and thought to myself “that’s it, that describes exactly what I feel like.”  

So I had to write it down. I have found that writing things out here re-wires my brain and heart and is very freeing in some ways.  Things that need to be gone. Places I need to move on from. Obsessions that need to cease.

So what if I have no one to love. To quote another “I cannot love the one I am with.” I can no longer be the little girl trying to love the one who causes me harm. I have grown. I want to love like a lover should. 

But I no longer seek. I do not need it to survive.  And survive I will.   That is my testimony. The only thing I need is God. 

I read someone’s entry the other day about faith and fear. When God asks us to have faith, he is really asking us to do that whatever it is we fear. I fear never having that kind of love.  I will let it go. Lay it down. 

Now, where do I go from here?