I read somewhere that anger is “unmet expectation.” That makes a lot of sense to me. It could also apply to being some cases of hurt.

If you have been hurt or angered, I think part of  the process of recovery should be an adjustment to your expectations. Not a  version of setting your expectations low in order to avoid the hurt or anger but a realistic picture of what someone is capable or not capable of being or doing.

For instance, I had expected that after going through a reconciliation process with someone and following all the rules for that process that we would be on a better and kinder path to one another. That our relationship would be one that mirrored what sisters in Christ should be.  That is what I expected. That is not what happened. At all. They had different scenario in mind.  Scenarios that brought others in to play and they would follow her lead.

So I retreated. Let time and the wandering of my mind and hopefully the leadership of God do its work.  I came to the conclusion that I needed to change my expectation of what the new relationship would be and how it changed the landscape of what I held as familiar.

My expectations are different now. The things that would anger or hurt me before this are to me now things I am not going to be bothered by. I cannot change this person’s behavior, thoughts, actions, etc. That is for God. Maybe I am still in the wrong, that is yet to be realized by me.  

In theory, it sounds logical. In practice, it is still hard to put myself in situations were I have to put this to the test. Just repeating to myself “this does not matter. it is what it is. let it go. they will not change who they are.”  Trying to hold back the tears at the thought of entering that room where I have to practice what I preach to myself. 

No one warns you that life is this damn hard.  If they did, who in their right mind would ever grow up?